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Here you'll find information about Adoption and Abortion. These may not be facts that you have heard, or seen before.
I do not know much about these two subjects, so I have turned to some reliable web sites.
Helpful: Adoption Information Web Site
ADOPTION
What is adoption?
Adoption is the legal way for non-biological parents to assume a parent-child relationship with a child. Adoption usually
ends the relationship between the child and the biological parents.
Who can adopt a child?
An adult can adopt an unmarried child under the age of eighteen. The adult must be at least ten years older than the child
unless the adopting parent is a stepparent or married relative of the child.
Does the child have any say in the adoption?
An adult can adopt an unmarried child under the age of eighteen. The adult must be at least ten years older than the child
unless the adopting parent is a stepparent or married relative of the child.
Does a minor parent need her parent's permission in order to give her baby up for adoption?
No. A minor has the right to give up his or her baby for adoption and does not need permission to do so. Minor parents
have the same rights and responsibilities as adult parents. The adoption also cannot be undone because the biological parents
were minors when they made the decision to give the baby up for adoption.
Is it necessary for both birth parents to agree in order for the birth mother to turn the baby over for
adoption?
It depends on the legal status of the father. Generally, if the parents were married prior to or at the time of the birth
of the child the father is the "presumed father" under the law. He is also the "presumed father" if he married the mother
after the baby was born and he is either named the father on the birth certificate or he is required to pay child support
by a court order. A "presumed father" must be notified of the proposed adoption and he has a right to veto it. However, if
he vetoes the adoption he must be willing to assume full physical custody of the child himself. If the biological father is
not legally entitled to "presumed father" status he must still be notified of the impending adoption. He has no right to veto
the adoption unless he can gain "presumed father" status.
 What if the "presumed father" is not taking care of the baby - can he still veto the adoption?
If the father leaves the baby with the mother, and makes no attempt to support or communicate with them for at least one
year the court may decide that he has abandoned them. If so, he has no right to try to stop the adoption. Also, if both parents
leave their child with someone else for at least six months they both may lose their right to veto an adoption.
If the biological parent is a convicted felon does he/she still have to agree to the adoption?
Yes, unless the facts of the crime show that the parent is unfit.
How do you put a baby up for adoption?
There are two main ways: agency or independent adoption.
- An agency adoption is one where the biological parents give up the child to a private or state agency and the agency
places the child with adoptive parents. The child usually is placed in foster care until the adoption is finalized.
- An independent adoption is one where the biological parents can contact prospective adoptive parents directly or
have another person, such as an attorney, priest or doctor, contact prospective adoptive parents in order to arrange an adoption.
The biological parents must consent to the adoption before the baby is born. The adoptive parents often pay for maternity-related
expenses and any legal fees.
Can a stepparent adopt his/her stepchild?
Yes, if the biological parents agree. However, in the case of a stepparent adoption, the biological parent who is married
to the stepparent retains his/her parental rights and custody of the child.
Is it possible for an adult to be adopted?
Yes. The only requirement is that the
adoptive parent must be older than the adult. This is most often done when a stepparent adopts the adult children of his/her
spouse.
ABORTION
If you are in NEED of (Quick) advice, or help. Please go to this web site. It will give you the information you could need.
Listen: The Heart
A little about Abortion.
By: Lisa Donnelly (Some editing was done,
Nicki)
Having my abortion is not the best thing to have in the world it
can lead to all differnet kinds of depressionl. One of the most common depression that people that have abortions face is
called:
"PASS" = (Post Abortive Stress Syndrome)
PASS
Feelings of sadness and crying when seeing babies or children
or pregnant women
Feelings of jealousy when seeing babies or children or pregnant women.
"Anniversary
Date" problems:
The Anniversary is usually one of three, or all three;
1. The date the woman
got pregnant
2. The date of the abortion procedure
3. The would be 'due date' of the baby,
had the pregnancy not been interrupted.
Anniversary Date problems can be: an unexplained
lapse back into severe depression in the days before and after an Anniversary Date, illness on or around Anniversary Dates,
Accidents and Injuries around Anniversary Dates, reoccurrence of any other regular PASS symptoms. Sometimes this can be unconscious
- the woman doesn't think
'consciously' about an upcoming date being an "Anniversary", it's all subconscious, and just
finds herself getting any of the above mentioned problems around an Anniversary Date year after year, with no other explanation
for them. Even when women recover, Anniversary Dates can still be problematic.
4. Sleep Problems:
Having difficulty falling asleep, having difficulty staying
asleep, sleep problems in general.
5.
Dreams and Nightmares, featuring:
either a baby in danger that you can't help, or yourself
in
danger; common 'threateners' are people with knives, or medical people. Picturing yourself having a baby, or being
with a baby or small child - various problems happen in these dreams, people try to take the baby away from you, or the baby
or child is upset and won't look at you, or other people are telling you what you have to 'do' with the baby, commonly like
it needs surgery that you don't want it to have, ect. These occur frequently, nightly for some women, weekly for others, monthly
or only on 'anniversaries' for others. These
dreams can be quite upsetting, and can contribute to the sleep
problems.
6. 'Replacement Baby' feelings:
- the strong urge to go out and get pregnant again, preferably
with the same man, but in this urge, any man will do, and 'keep' it this time. This urge is present, even when all the reasons
or situations that influenced women to choose an abortion the first time are still in place. Many of the women at my site
have done that, and then were surprised to find that they actually felt 'worse' about the abortion because of it! And that's
because 'replacing' a baby is
impossible - you still miss the one you 'lost' regardless of how many additional you have.
But when that desperate urge hits, you can't realize that - it seems like if you just 'get pregnant again' and keep it, everything
will be fine. The 'replacement baby' feeling can be very strong. Women can even go as far as to sneak behind their partner's
back, and stop using birth-control, or even get
artificially inseminated, if the partner has had a vasectomy. Even if
a woman does go and get immediately pregnant with a replacement baby, once the new baby is born, they have reported a return
of the replacement baby urge right after birth!
7. Intrusion or 'Flashbacks':
"Intrusion" means the woman can involuntarily re-experience the abortion or events surrounding it - flashbacks to the clinic,
to protestors, to the actual abortion procedure, and the hours afterwards.
8. Numbing Out:
"emotional constriction" or "numbing" - a need to avoid
feelings, thoughts and situations reminiscent of the trauma, a
loss of normal emotional responses or both. Their feelings can seem "unreal" to them, and the ordinary day to day business
of life no longer matters. They feel cut off from the concerns of others, and are unable to trust them. It seems like the
future holds nothing, and there's really no purpose for living. They numb themselves out, to protect themselves from possible
future trauma. Alcohol, food and drugs can also be used as part of the 'numbing'.
9. Anger:
Depending on the stage, the anger may be weak and hidden, or it may be extremely intense and full blown. The anger may be
towards themselves, or the people they perceive as responsible for their abortion, or both.
10. Guilt and Shame:
Women tend to feel guilt and shame about their abortion and they do not tell anyone about it, or talk to anyone about it,
and will go to great lengths to prevent anyone from finding out about it, including lying to doctors, family and friends about
having one.
11. Isolating Themselves:
They may be experiencing shame at their
own helplessness to 'get over this', and then become demoralized and isolated, and withdraw themselves from activities they
used to enjoy, and isolate themselves from friendships, and social situations. Isolating is very common, and also seems to
come with depression.
12. Sensitivity to pre-existing phobias:
If a woman
had certain phobias before, such as fear of heights, fear of thunderstorms, or fear of bugs, those fears and phobias can become
more severe, with the woman being much more sensitive to these phobias than she was before.
13. Eating disorders:
Anorexia and compulsive overeating both have been noted by me(via website and surveys) to start after an abortion, where there
was no history before. It seems that women are upset about what has transpired, and wish to 'punish' themselves subconsciously,
for what they have done. Also there is a lot of stress associated with the whole idea of sex and pregnancy and abortion, and
women have reported
to me a need to feel 'unattractive', to avoid the possibility of a
relationship, because in their
traumatized state of mind, they think "Oh god, I'll get into a relationship, then my birth control will fail again, then I'll
have to face another abortion, and this would just kill me", and so women find themselves either eating compulsively to swell
themselves up and protect themselves from this problem, or to not eating at all.
14. Easily startled and upset
by:
loud noises that resemble the suction machine, such as vacuum cleaners, and blenders.
one woman reported to me that the first time she went to 'Starbucks" after her abortion, to get her favorite blended coffee
drink, that the sound of their blender made her sick to her stomach, and shaky and sweaty, and she ran out without even getting
it!
15. Obsession with pictures of fetuses:
I call this the 'drive-by' part
- it's like slowing down to
look at a car wreck - you know it's going to horrify you, but you 'have' to see. At this stage,
women become obsessed with what their fetus looked like, and search out pictures of a fetus that matches the age that theirs
was, and stare at it, and imagine what it felt like when it was alive, and try to imagine if it heard or felt anything. Woman
have reported to me over and over again, that they feel compelled to look, to know, yet feel even worse afterwards! I have
placed some links on my site to Medical Schools that have pictures like this online, so they can AVOID the prolife sites that
show unnecessarily graphic pictures, as well as misrepresentations of what fetuses look like at different ages.
16. Relationship problems:
Having problems with relationships with your partner, lots of
anger or other emotions interfering in your daily life and
relationship, being unable to discuss and resolve these problems,
and relationship problems with anyone else who was around or influenced your decision to have an abortion.
17.
Difficulty Making Decisions:
Women have reported difficulty making decisions, being
unwilling
to make any decisions, being very upset by any changes such as moving, changing jobs. There is a panic that a 'wrong' decision
might be made, and this can be a big problem. It can affect all kinds of daily small decisions, like what to have for dinner,
what movie to get from the video store. A sense of panic sets in, and the woman feels frozen and paralyzed. One woman told
me about breaking down
with her b/f and crying in Blockbuster, because she couldn't handle even choosing a movie for the
weekend.
18. Emotional numbness with regards to current children:
being unable
to relate and bond properly with the ones that are here. Feeling like a 'bad mother', and feeling like the children would
be better off without her interaction and influence.
19. Overprotectiveness of current children:
an almost hysterical worry about current children, constant fears that something will happen to them, as 'punishment' for
having the abortion. This can lead to parents not being willing to leave the child with any babysitters, being overprotective
about their physical health, and the activities they do.
20. Fears and overprotectiveness when pregnant again:
When a woman becomes pregnant after an abortion with a planned pregnancy, there can be a reoccurrence of nightmares, as well
as constant fear and worry that something will 'go wrong' with this pregnancy, as punishment for the abortion. Fear of the
baby dying, or having something wrong with it are common.
21. Comparison of pregnancies and/or children:
Looking at pregnant women, babies or children (depending on 'when' you had your abortion), and comparing yourself to where
you would be in the pregnancy, had you kept it, or also comparing the baby or child to where 'your child' would be, if you
had kept it. Looking at other children and thinking they look like what your child would have looked like.
22.
Viewing miscarriage or infertility as 'punishment':
Feeling that future problems with infertility
or miscarriages
are 'punishment' for having had an abortion.
23. Suicidal feelings:
many women have problems for weeks, even months or years of struggling with suicidal feelings, feeling like they 'don't deserve'
to be alive, and some report the urge to want to go 'find' the baby in 'wherever' and apologize to it, hold it, ect.. And
just general suicidal feelings with the thoughts of being unable to cope with what has occurred.
24. Triggers
of smells and food:
women have reported being unable to eat or having a
panic/nausea/anxiety
attack at the smell of food they ate on the
morning of the ab, or from what they gave them in the recovery room afterwards.
One woman told me she wants to vomit at the smell and site of graham crackers now, because that was what her clinic gave afterwards.
25. Sex problems:
this seems to go either way - fear of sex, and a terror of
getting
pregnant again, no desire for sex, and no ability to enjoy it, or else careless casual sex (which had not been the person's
'way of operating' before) having sex with anybody, not caring about birth control, and not caring if another pregnancy occurs.
26. Being distressed at having your period - it's a reminder of the abortion, lots of blood and cramps again, and no baby.
Women with PASS seem to be very upset the first few times they have their period after an abortion. One woman who had
no problems before was terrified by the sight of blood, and had to keep getting in the shower 5 or 6 times a day to wash herself
clean - she couldn't stand seeing or smelling and blood on herself.
27. Anxiety problems:
Having problems with anxiety, worry and nervousness, with no visible cause. Anxiety can be treated with medication. To assess
your level of anxiety, you can try the screening test in the Counseling Help Page
28. Clinical Depression:
This is very common for women with PASS - the trauma of the whole experience, and the problem of not having readily available
public support for her feelings and issues after an abortion can lead to clinical depression. Clinical depression should be
treated with anti-depressant medicatication.
Note:
Lisa is 22 and was 8 weeks pregnant when she had her Abortion. She says,
"I'm 22 and old enough to bring up a chid."
Down below are some facts on what side effects abortion
and pass has:
Symptoms that you have Post-Abortion Stress
Syndrome:
- Self-harm, strong suicidal thoughts
or suicide attempts
- Increase in dangerous and/or unhealthy activities (alcohol/drug abuse, anorexia/bulimia, compulsive
over-eating, cutting, casual and indifferent sex and other inappropriate risk-taking behaviors)
- Depression that is
stronger than just 'a little sadness or the blues'
- Inability to perform normal self-care activities
- Inability
to function normally in her job or in school
- Inability to take care of or relate to her existing children or
function
normally in her other relationships (i.e. with a spouse,
partner, other family member or friends)
- A desire to
immediately get pregnant and 'replace' the baby that was aborted, even when all the circumstances that led her to 'choose
abortion' the first time are still in place.
Other symptoms that may occur in the future are:
- Emotions,
and dealing with emotional issues
- Struggles with depression
- Continued suicidal thoughts or attempts
-
Anxiety and panic disorder
- Addictions of all kinds
- Difficulty sleeping and sleeping problems
- Disturbing
dreams and/or nightmares
- Problems with phobias, or increase in severity of existing phobias
- Eating disorders
-
"Replacement baby" syndrome
- Repeated unplanned pregnancies with additional abortions
- Repeated unplanned
pregnancies carried to term
- "Atonement marriage", where the woman marries the partner from the abortion, to help
justify the abortion
- Trouble with relationships and dealing with partners
- Distress at the sight of other
pregnant women, other people's
babies and children
- Inability to deal with or socialize with other pregnant women,
other people's babies and children
- Codependence and inability to make decisions easily
- Problems with
severe and disproportionate anger
- Work and school problems (unable to function normally)
- Problems bonding
with and caring for existing children or new babies
- Distress and problems with later pregnancy
- Added emotional
issues and problems when dealing with future infertility or other physical complications resulting from the abortion.
-
Unhealthy obsession with excelling at work or school, to justify the abortion
What is Post-Abortion
Stress Syndrome:
Post-Abortion Stress Syndrome (PASS) is a psychological side affect of having an abortion.
Abortion Survivor's Story: Gianna Jessen
To Buy, Gianna Jessen's Book
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